Last year I had only seed two movies that were truly awful by the time I wrote my Best of the Year blog, so I lumped Worst of the Year in with it as an afterthought.
This year I saw 6. Enough to constitute its own list. *facepalm*
You might question why I saw some of the movies featured here, and I'll explain as I go. All you really need to know is that they're all achingly bad. Are any of them as colossal a failure on every level as last year's worst, The Last Airbender? No, thankfully not, but that still doesn't mean you shouldn't avoid them like the plague.
So...*sigh*...here we go...
My Top 5 WORST Movies of 2011
Dishonorable Mention
6) The Tree of Life
Yeah, I'm probably gonna piss a few people off by including this one; one thing I can definitely say is that (while the critics have heaped nothing but praise on it) there hasn't been a film this year that has created a wider amount of divisive reaction than this one, and unfortunately I'm on the negative end of the spectrum. To explain everything I don't like about this movie would be long enough for an entirely different blog (which will probably happen), so to save time, I'll explain why it's not in this Top 5. The visual effects and cinematography are absolutely gorgeous. Heck, the 20-minute sequence on the formation of the planets, development of cells, and dinosaurs is probably one of my favorite sequences of the year! And, for what it's worth, Brad Pitts performance is really good. But the bad does far outweigh the good, and soon I will take more time to elaborate why.
The Top 5
5) The Green Hornet
I was REALLY looking forward to this one. The Green Hornet is one very interesting superhero that has almost been forgotten by the current times, and I'm a big fan of the previous works I've seen of director Michel Gondry (Be Kind Rewind and the ingenious Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). The big mistake: they made it a comedy. Not just a comedy; a Seth Rogen comedy. I commented in my last blog about Rogen's typical shtick, so let me explain. The typical Seth Rogen character type works in two scenarios; A) when he's a supporting player, such as the lead's slacker best friend (see The 40-Year-Old Virgin and 50/50); and B) when he's the slacker lead who matures and changes by the end of the movie (see Knocked Up). Here we have a main character who goes through no such process; he starts off an obnoxious ass and stays that way, making this Rogen's most dislikable character I've seen. And, Mr. Rogen, I'm going to say what I've been saying since Pineapple Express: Just because you're rambling improvised dialogue doesn't mean what you're saying is funny. In fact, if it isn't funny, it gets annoying. Plus, I'm not even mentioning the missed opportunities withing the story! I'll give kudos for Christophe Waltz's interesting villain and the climactic action scene, but those don't mean much when I don't care if the hero succeeds.
4) Beastly
I was tricked into this one. One of my best friends was working at the nearest movie theater at the time and had seen it through an advance screening. He invited me to the next one they had, claiming that it was so bad that it was actually a hilarious unintentional comedy. So, on the promise of a laugh, I went. Needless to say, as the movie got into full swing, I was NOT agreeing with him. This is pure boring, angsty, emo teen garbage at its worst. This is the Twilight series with only slightly higher intelligence behind the story. The best that this movie gives us is Neil Patrick Harris, doing his best with the poor material as the blind tutor, and, in the year's biggest surprise, Mary Kate Olsen as the teen witch who curses our hero, in what is *gasp* a really good performance! Neither gets enough screen time, though, and we are treated to further proof that Vanessa Hudgens can't act and Alex Pettyfer's greatest trait is his ability to brood. For those of you looking for a movie so bad it's good, might I suggest The Room or Birdemic? You'll get the laughs I was denied in this one.
3) Sucker Punch
Zack Snyder, I am one of your defenders. I think you have a unique visual and directorial style. I thought 300 was an excellent action movie, and Watchmen is one of the best superhero movies ever made. While I wasn't crazy about Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole, there were things about it that I did like. I think you're a good director...just please quit directing the stuff you write! Sucker Punch is one confusing mess of a story. You have a plot set in 3 worlds, 1 real and 2 fantasy (reality is more interesting so it isn't given enough time, and one of the fantasies is nothing more than an excuse to have these teenage girls dressed provocatively); characters given no development whatsoever; and action scenes (the second fantasy world) which, while well-done, make no sense to things overall and stop the movie dead. Add to that plenty of bad acting (Vanessa Hudgens gets work AGAIN!!!) and you have one miserable viewing experience. This movie made me wince at the news of Snyder directing the next Superman movie, Man of Steel, but hopefully Christopher Nolan's involvement as producer will save it from becoming like this.
2) Something Borrowed
I have to go with the age-old guy excuse for movies like this: My girlfriend made me watch it (I love you, babe, but you deserve some blame for this one). Because the romantic comedy is not one of my favorite genres. Occasionally a really good one will come along (like this year's Crazy, Stupid, Love.), but most of the time they will fall between ok and not-that-good. But every now and then, every year or two, one will come along that has has enough stupidity to make your jaw drop. I had seen the TV spots for Something Borrowed and thought it would just be boring and predictable. I wasn't prepared to watch characters who are terrible people ignore the simple solutions for easy-to-solve problems because of their own massive faults. I mean it, every character in this movie is a moron. John Krasinski is the only good person of the leads, but (SPOILER) even he gets his moment of stupid by admitting his feelings for the lead, and trust me, his character can do WAY better. It also has the guts to do a sequel tease at the end. Believe me. That won't happen.
And the absolute worst movie I saw in 2011 is...
And the absolute worst movie I saw in 2011 is...
1) Your Highness
Your Highness isn't funny. It just isn't. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was that stone-faced watching a comedy. I've never not laughed so hard in my life! Not only is it not funny, it's stupid; a bad combination for a comedy to be. I really can't articulate how bad this movie is. It makes a very fatal error seen more and more lately: Just because you curse and mention sex and bodily fluids does not make what you're saying funny. That barely even makes it a joke, because it's the context and and the brains behind it that determines whether or not it's funny. And there are no brains put into this. It's some of the laziest comedy I've ever heard. How you roped Natalie Portman and Toby Jones into this is something I'd love to know. The rest of the cast, you guys can do better. You guys can do WAY better.
So those are this year's headaches. Agree or disagree? Leave a comment! Got a movie you think should be on the list? Let me know! I won't be watching it, but let me know!
My next blog: Y'know what? Screw it. Let's talk about The Tree of Life.
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